A Civil Service Officer’s Journey Through Struggle, Motherhood & Self-Growth
Eight years ago, a young woman sat alone with her books, her dreams, and a quiet but unshakeable determination.
No coaching center. No study group. No one cheering from the sidelines.
Just full dedication, hard work, and an unwavering belief that she could do it.
That woman was me — and on my very first attempt, I cleared the civil service examination.
But passing the exam was just the beginning of the real journey.
The Dream Behind the Badge
People often ask me: “How did you clear it in the first attempt?”
My answer is simple — I didn’t just study. I committed fully. Every page, every topic, every revision was done with complete dedication. I treated my preparation not as a goal but as a responsibility to myself.
When you have no one pushing you from behind, you learn to push yourself from within.
That inner push — that became my superpower.
The Reality of Civil Service Life
Most people think clearing the exam is the hardest part. It is not.
When I joined as an officer, I entered an environment that was far from supportive. Unfavorable conditions. Office politics. No mentor. No guide.
I was alone — not just in my preparation, but in my professional life too.
There were days I felt invisible. Days I wondered if my hard work even mattered. Days when the silence of having no supporter felt deafening.
But I made a decision that changed everything:
“I will not waste my energy explaining myself. I will invest it in becoming better.”
And that decision saved me.
When Life Added Another Chapter — Motherhood
Just when I was finding my rhythm at work, life handed me its most beautiful — and most challenging — chapter yet.
Pregnancy.
But this was not a smooth journey. There were complications. Physical pain that demanded rest while professional responsibilities demanded presence. There were mornings I dragged myself to work when my body said no. There were nights I lay awake — worried about my baby, worried about my work, worried about everything.
No one truly understood what I was carrying — not just the baby, but the weight of doing it all alone.
Yet, I kept showing up.
For my work. For my unborn child. For myself.
Today, my baby is 20 months old. Healthy, happy, and the greatest reminder of what strength looks like.
Every difficult day was worth it.
Growing in Silence — The Mindset Shift
Eight years into this journey, I am still growing. Still learning. Still evolving.
I have not arrived at my destination — and honestly, I do not think growth has a destination. It is a continuous process.
What has changed most is not my position or my title. It is my mindset.
I used to think growth meant achieving more. Now I understand — growth means becoming more.
More patient. More aware. More intentional.
I am not where I want to be yet. But I am not where I was either. And that gap — that progress — is everything.
The Biggest Lesson After 8 Years
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this:
“Become so excellent that your performance becomes your answer. Let your rise speak louder than any negativity around you.”
When no one supports you — do not beg for validation. Build something undeniable.
When the environment is unfavorable — do not fight it with words. Rise above it with results.
When life gets complicated — do not stop. Slow down if you must, but never stop.
Patience is not weakness. It is the most powerful strategy.
I learned to stay patient — not because I accepted being overlooked, but because I was quietly building something they could not ignore.
To You — Reading This Right Now
Maybe you are a Loksewa aspirant sitting alone with your books tonight.
Maybe you are a working mother fighting battles no one can see.
Maybe you are someone growing in silence, wondering if it is even worth it.
I want you to know — it is.
Your struggle is not your story. Your rise is.
Keep going. Keep growing. Keep becoming.
Because no matter where you are right now — you deserve to grow. 🌱
— Santoshi KC
Civil Service Officer | Mother | Lifelong Learner
“Because everyone deserves to grow.”
